A Curious Band of Others

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Posted in Community, Writing Lessons | Tagged ACFW, encouragment, Michael Hyatt, Susan May Warren, writing conference | Leave a comment

Oh, God, I Am Lost and So Alone

Posted on September 15, 2012 by tnealtarver

My prayer at 3:00 in the morning was a simple one.

A lonely place in the wilderness.

“Oh, God, I am lost and so alone.”

Why such depths of despair?

One simple word—disappointment!

Asaph wrote, “… I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked” (Psalm 73:3 NIV).

That pretty much sums up what happened to me.

I looked up my book sales, added up the 4-month total, and felt the writing wind go out of my sails. I was $4.81 short of my first royalty check. Short again. For a second quarter.

The truth?

I put too much stock in a sales report and too little trust in God. I envied those who wrote trash (I turn fifty shades of red, white, and purple when I think of Fifty Shades of Gray—and a judgment I readily admit based on hearsay; not the best way to assess something I know little about).

Once again I was learning some tough lessons through my own dumb mistakes. Oh, my goodness, how many times must I go through this?

What dumb mistakes?

I looked out the wrong window.What do I mean? Think of life as a hotel room

The Texas Gulf Coast

with windows. One view offers a beautiful vista (you can insert an ocean, a lake, a mountain range, a gorgeous garden—whatever your heart and imagination desire). The other offers a view of a sooty brick wall with graffiti.

In my case, I chose the brick wall and graffiti over an ocean view and palm trees (my personal scene choice; let me know yours in the comments below).

I looked out the window alone. I had a number of options that included others. I could have spoken with my wife, Ellen. I could have dropped by a friend’s place. I could have phoned a family member.

Instead, I chose to suffer alone (and I was suffering; I typically don’t pray, “Oh, God, I am lost and so alone” with a light heart). I bought into my own personal lie. I can handle this on my own.

I couldn’t.

I didn’t.

But I’m better now.

My recovery (and a better view) started when Ellen said, “You don’t look so good.”

That opened the door to a long walk and a deep talk.

I learned again Scripture’s truth. “Two are better than one … If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV).

Here’s what I learned (again—sigh!) and know is true.

My worth can’t be found in a sales report—scorecard, report card, or monthly bank statement. It can be found in the words of Jesus. “God feeds [the ravens]. And how much more valuable you are than birds!” (Luke 12:24)

I am not alone. I may think I am. I may live like I am. But I am not.

Talking helps. “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away …” (Psalm 32:3). I prayed to God at 3:00 in the morning. I talked with Ellen in the evening. Both conversations moved me closer to regaining life’s proper perspective and helped me look out the right window.

Kari Scare at Struggle to Victory shares the same advice in her recent post “The Beacons Are Lit.” “When you struggle, light the beacon. Tell someone you are struggling.”

From past experience, I know my strongest efforts alone battling a sin issue, a personal problem, or feelings of inadequacy tend to sink me further down into the problem. When I call out to God and to others, I find the power to overcome.

Sin’s grip weakens with confession. Solutions emerge through corporate wisdom. My personal value rises as I see myself through the eyes of God and others.

Okay, true confession here. I’ve listened to Sofie Kinsella’s Shopaholic audio book series. Yeah, yeah, not the deepest bit of fiction you can read (or hear).

But one truth shines through in every single story (besides the fact Becky Bloomwood has a major problem with materialism).

The more you avoid the truth the deeper you get into trouble.

I’m curious. If you’ve prayed a prayer like mine, “Oh, God, I am lost and so alone,” what helped you gain perspective?

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

What people are saying:

Tarver’s storytelling technique as he takes us along with Nick and Wayne’s journeys through opposite eternal pathways is nothing short of genius.–Linda Rondeau, Author of The Other Side of Darkness

Masterfully written!–B. C. Jones

My final verdict…I loved it! –Chris Patton, Christian Business Owner, Christian Faith at Work blog

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes can be found at:

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Posted in Community, Writing Lessons | Tagged community, Confession, Depression, Disappointment, God, prayer, royalty checks, Scripture, Struggle to Victory | 8 Comments

Are You Playing in the Spiritual Kiddie Pool?

Posted on September 6, 2012 by tnealtarver

You can have a relationship with Christ without the baggage of Christian community (i.e., church). You just won’t go very deep in Him without it.

Last post, Kari Scare said in the comments section: “It seems like we [Christians] feel like we can act independently as we become more seasoned, which just isn’t true.”

Best-selling author Debbie MacComber in God’s Guest List wrote, “There’s a trend these days to knock organized religion in favor of individual spirituality. I believe that’s a big mistake. If you get into the Bible, you’ll see that much of it is about relationships. We grow when we bump up against people, when people challenge us, and when we are held accountable. If we want to open the door to our ultimate guest, we have to know that He usually comes with a whole entourage. And while some of His people will become our heroes, others may be prickly or poor and needy.”

Why can’t a person go deep in Christ without getting all caught up in Christian community?

First of all, you and I were designed for authentic relationship with God and with others. According to Scripture, love for God is deeply intertwined with love for others. You can’t separate them without destroying faith’s essence and vitality.

The Apostle John wrote, “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.” (I John 4:20-21 NIV)

Second, to “love God” without a connection to His community is like reading a cookbook without ever cooking. You never make the mistake of burning the dinner rolls but no one sits down to a home-cooked meal either.

How in the world can you practice the one anothers without a community?

The one anothers?

Love one another.

Be devoted to one another.

Honor one another.

Live in harmony with another.

Stop passing judgment on one another.

Accept one another.

Greet one another.

Agree with one another.

Encourage one another.

Forgive one another.

Admonish one another.

Spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Do not slander one another.

Don’t grumble against one another.

Love one another deeply.

From Jesus to John to Peter to James to Paul, we are encouraged to walk with God in faith and to live with one another in love.

Community in Christ is this simple.

Love God.

Love others.

Anything short of that is playing at the shallow end of the spirituality pool.

I’m curious about your thoughts. Why are you involved in Christian community? If not involved, what are your reasons? Whether involved or not, your comments will help generate healthy discussion.

Recommended reading:

“More than Words” by Jon Stolpe at Jon Stolpe Stretched (in recent memory, the best article I’ve read about living out our faith in Christ)

“Flipping Out” by Barry Hill at The Ordained Barista (excellent post on attention-getting gimmicks vs. Jesus’ simple but thought-provoking words)

“Hide and Seek” by Margaret Manning at Slice of Infinity (good piece on church as community)

“Buyer Beware” by Seth Godin (short article on the importance of building trust)

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

What people are saying:

Tarver’s storytelling technique as he takes us along with Nick and Wayne’s journeys through opposite eternal pathways is nothing short of genius.–Linda Rondeau, Author of The Other Side of Darkness

Masterfully written!–B. C. Jones

My final verdict…I loved it! –Chris Patton, Christian Business Owner, Christian Faith at Work blog

My novel can be found at:

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Posted in Community | Tagged Christian community, Christian growth, church, Debbie Macomber, faith, Kari Scare | 8 Comments

4 Helpful Hospitality Hints

Posted on August 29, 2012 by tnealtarver

Have you ever visited a small town diner where a few guys sat at the bar? The door opens, you step inside, and every head turns your direction. No one smiles.

Cue up banjo music from Deliverance.

How do you prevent the church from becoming like a small town diner? How do you make the stranger among us feel welcomed with open arms?

I spent most of the weekend learning some difficult hospitality lessons from a cooking class with Suvir Saran, a special friend I met through my wife Ellen.

Here are a few practical thoughts on what you can do to move someone from weird new guy to welcome friend (and, for the record, I prefer the latter status).

1) Expect her. When we set up the cooking class, we expected twenty-four students on each of two days. We prepared for their coming by rearranging a cluttered room.

We also prepared by setting up stations and the supplies necessary for a cooking lesson.

We thought about our guests and had a few special things available upon their arrival.

If you want her to be a part of community, expect her and prepare.

2) Let him in. On Saturday, the first day of the class, we had some bugs to work out. One of those was simply entering the building.

I walked out to the main entrance and discovered about two-thirds of the class waiting outside. The door was locked.

I posted an article about some of the ways we lock people out by our words and our actions. If you want him to enter into community, you have to provide an open door.

3) Orient him. We held the cooking class in the Home Ec room at the local high school. People wandered into this daunting building and looked around in confusion.

I smiled and said, “You go through the open doors over there then take the first right. You’ll see a table in the hallway. Go in that direction. Follow the noise and your nose and you’ll find the right room.”

If you want him to be a part of community, orient him to where he is and what’s happening there.

4) Offer her something. When people entered the room, we had water with lemon slices at the ready.

Hospitality offers the guest something to eat or drink or both. When I’m on my game at home, I ask, “Would you like something to drink?”

When I’m really on my game, I say, “I’m going to have a cup of coffee, may I get you something?”

Why do I tell someone what I’m going to drink? Because I know how I am if asked, “Would you like something to drink?”

I feel I’m putting the person out and don’t want her to go to any trouble. If she says, “I’m having coffee,” I jump at the offer. I love coffee.

If you want her to be a part of community, offer her something.

Twenty-four people arrived for the class, most of whom were strangers to Chef Suvir and to those of us who organized the event.

From the welcome to the farewell, the event was designed to introduce people to Indian home cooking and to one another. We may have started as strangers but we ended as friends.

If I happen to travel out your way, I’d appreciate it if you’d expect me, let me in, orient me, and offer me a little something.

If you’re out my way, I’ll do the same.

As Tom Bodett would say, “… we’ll leave the light on for ya.”

I’m curious. What would you add to my hospitality list? Whether positive or negative, what experiences have you had of being the visiting stranger?

“That Upon Which Morality Depends” by Margaret Manning at Slice of Infinity

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

What people are saying:

”Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes” was a compelling read for me. The vivid descriptions challenged and ignited my imagination.–Ron Fruit, GM, WRCO Radio

Tarver’s storytelling technique as he takes us along with Nick and Wayne’s journeys through opposite eternal pathways is nothing short of genius.–Linda Rondeau, Author of The Other Side of Darkness

… like watching two trains heading towards each other on the same track. You know they are going to collide, you just don’t know when or how it happens. Heaven and hell are going to collide and you won’t want to set the book down until you find out when and how. Masterfully written!–B. C. Jones

My novel can be found at:

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Posted in Community | Tagged community, cooking class, hospitality, Suvir Saran | 11 Comments

A Miser’s Conversion

Posted on August 24, 2012 by tnealtarver

“We’re going to have to spend a lot of money and you’re going to be mad.”

Ellen said that to me earlier in the week and she believed it.

Why?

Because when we spend lots of money, I get nervous and, when nervous, I … uh … well … get mad.

But we’ve spent lots of money and I haven’t gotten mad.

Why?

Because I, a bona fide miser, had a conversion experience in Alaska.

I went there as a part of a Nazarene Work & Witness team. My friend Spiv summarized our mission experience in this way. She said it had three parts.

First, the work done by us—building, painting, etc.

Second, the work done through us—VBS.

Third, the work done in us.

God hit the target on that third one. Alaska became a work-done-in-me experience.

You need to know …

1) I worry about money. I can be pretty prickly when we spend lots of money in a short amount of time.

2) Going to Alaska cost more money than we could afford. On top of that, we had big expenses in July that were beyond the norm.

3) God through the generosity of others provided every penny for my Alaskan trip, every single penny.

4) Every time I spent money on anything I realized it was God’s money. A cup of coffee … God’s money. A jacket to keep warm … God’s money. Something for Ellen … God’s money. Lunch out … God’s money.

5) I came home with a new appreciation for God’s money and decided I’d let Him, if He wanted to, worry about the money thing. After all, it’s His.

We have a special friend in our home, Suvir Saran, who’s drawing others here. We’ll have a house full of people through the weekend. And it costs money to feed “a house full of people.”

No problem. God’s money will cover it.

I’m curious. What area has God been working on in your life?

Challenging thoughts at Stuff Christians Like: “Why People Think Christians are Fake”

A fundamental understanding of community at Goins, Writer: “How to Get People Excited About Anything”

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

What people are saying:

My friend T. Neal Tarver pulls from his pastor’s heart in crafting this intriguing story. A poignant and compelling portrayal of heaven and hell, with a powerful look at redemption from the perspective of both the lost…and the saved. Well done!–Susan May Warren, best-selling, award-winning author of You Don’t Know Me.

”Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes” was a compelling read for me. The vivid descriptions challenged and ignited my imagination.–Ron Fruit, GM, WRCO Radio

Tarver’s storytelling technique as he takes us along with Nick and Wayne’s journeys through opposite eternal pathways is nothing short of genius.—Linda Rondeau, Author of The Other Side of Darkness

My novel can be found at:

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged generosity, Giving, Money worries, Suvir Saran, worry | 5 Comments

Why Doing Nothing Makes More Sense

Posted on August 21, 2012 by tnealtarver

He had …

… nowhere to go …

… and nothing to do …

… and no time to go or do it in.

Who?

God!

Oh, right.

I thought about what happened before this opening line to a very famous book.

“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth …”

Before “In the beginning,” no heaven, no earth. No place at all.

Before “In the beginning,” only Father, Son, and Spirit existed. No one and nothing else.

Before “In the beginning,” time had no meaning, nothing like day-night cycles or days divided up into hours, hours into minutes, minutes into seconds.

So what did Father, Son, and Spirit do?

They found pleasure in one another’s company.

They talked.

They dreamed.

They planned.

They basked in silence.

I’m intrigued by the simple fact that, before “In the beginning,” God had nowhere to go and nothing to do. And He had uninterrupted pleasure and joy under those conditions.

Imagine that.

Seriously, imagine.

I set the timer for 7 minutes, laid on the floor, and imagined.

What I imagined before “In the beginning:”

The first thing that appeared in my mind was a chair—a simple white chair—which is more than before “In the beginning.” I flushed that thought.

Then came …

Three glowing forms, light blazing everywhere. The forms were not shapeless yet they had no distinct features. They moved like three dancing flames.

I heard conversation but nothing with clarity. Ideas, designs, and concepts floated around in my mind. Again nothing specific.

I did imagine a hand, palm up, holding a table then a giraffe then something else, as if one Person was illustrating creative ideas to the other Two. “What do You think about this?”

Delight. Warmth. No sense of hurry.

A few takeaways from this exercise:

1) Healthy community brings pleasure. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit communed with one another before Creation. They had nowhere to go and nothing else to do. And it was enough.

2) Healthy community encourages the exchange of ideas. I can imagine the synergy of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit deepening creative thoughts as they talked back and forth. I cannot imagine any one of them quashing the others’ enthusiasm.

3) Healthy community creates. The Three in One took conversation about ideas and concepts and made them a reality. That’s why we read, “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”

4) Healthy community continues. Even after “In the beginning,” Father, Son, and Holy Spirit continued (and continue) to commune with one another. Jesus, while on earth, said, “… the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does” (John 5:19 NIV).

How do these truths affect me and my relationships? I’ll be honest. I have a number of places to go and things to do I’d rather go and do by myself. I don’t especially want to involve community. Some things like mowing the lawn can only involve one (although I wish it didn’t … sigh).

Yet I can’t ignore what God, the Three in One, did before “In the beginning.”

I’m curious. What do you imagine about God before “In the beginning”? Go ahead. Set a timer. And see what you come up with.

Find “Inspiration” at A Minute With Maxwell

Read about building community around a campfire, “Weekend Memories–Making Memories,” at Struggle to Victory

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

What people are saying:

“Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes” was a compelling read for me. The vivid descriptions challenged and ignited my imagination.–Ron Fruit, GM, WRCO Radio

A very intriguing book that puts a different spin on Heaven and Hell. It is not just fluffy clouds and a fiery lake. T. Neal Tarver has created a story that you won’t want to put down until the very end.–G. Worthington, College Student

My novel can be found at:

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Posted in Community | Tagged community, Creation, Father, Genesis, God, healthy community, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Son, Trinity | 3 Comments

Nowhere to Go and Nothing to Do

Posted on August 18, 2012 by tnealtarver

He had …

… nowhere to go …

… and nothing to do.

And imagine this.

He was fine with that.

Perfectly fine.

Imagine.

Nowhere to go.

Nothing to do.

Fine!

Curious? … more on Monday.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged curiosity, Free weekend, No job, No plans | Leave a comment

When Did My Faith Become A Job That Sucks?

Posted on August 14, 2012 by tnealtarver

Mitch Elliott looked pretty in pink when I stopped to

Mitch Elliot, Madison Mallards left fielder.

talk to him. That Sunday afternoon included a lot of firsts.

My first visit to Warner Park, home of the Madison Mallards (Doesn’t that name send a chill down your spine? Scary! Yeah, right.). His first day as a Mallard (Oh, the terror).

The first signature on my game day ticket (A tradition I maintain when attending a baseball game).

Our first meeting (but not our last).

Mitch grinned … and grinned … and grinned (I’d grin too if I received a call to play in one of the two premier summer leagues for college players).

His eyes sparkled. His speech hurried along with excitement. His hand went out to every passerby who extended a pen, a cap, a bat, a ball, or, like me, a ticket in his direction.

Plain …

… and …

… simple.

He loved being at Warner Park.

Mitch Elliot at the plate.

He loved being a Mallard (shiver).

He loved the game.

He loved the team.

He loved the fans.

He loved it all.

Even if he did look pretty in pink (I’ll explain later).*

His excitement at the ballpark reminded me of a much younger version of me, the high school junior who “felt my heart strangely warmed” by God’s love.

In my first days in the faith …

I loved the Lord.

I loved the church.

I loved the Bible.

I loved it all.

My whole being—whether the smile on my face, the bounce to my step, or the hurried excitement in my speech—spoke of the thrill of Jesus Christ in me.

After seeing Mitch’s excitement that day, I thought about my life. When did my faith become like a job that sucked? When did my love for Jesus start to be a burden rather than a blessing? When did rules-keeping replace relationship?

In January 1972 (yes, I know; that is a long time ago), Christ entered my heart. In that moment, I got both excited and serious about my faith. Somewhere along the way, I dropped the excitement and simply got serious.

Not always.

But often enough.

In the foreword of Jeff Goins’ Wrecked, Michael Hyatt writes, “The day we met Wosne she was radiant.” He describes this Ethiopian woman’s home as “…just a few walls on a dirt floor with a tin roof.”

When asked what she needed, Wosne said, “Nothing. Nothing at all. I have everything I need. I am the happiest woman in the world.” (read entire story here)

Recently I heard Joseph Lieungh interviewed on At Issue With Ben Merens. He told about a time when he was working long, hard hours. He asked an out-of-work neighbor if he was happy. “I’m happy because I’ve got everything I want. Coffee in the morning, smokes in the afternoon, and beer in the evening.”

Coffee.

Smokes.

Beer.

I know the aim of life isn’t simply to be happy, but if an unemployed man can be happy with coffee, smokes, and beer, then I should be able to find joy in the Lord.

And I do when …

I remember the Lord loves me even when I’m far from loveable. I don’t earn His love. He offers it. I receive it.

I also find joy when …

I dance, skip, act goofy, or sing out loud. Having a dog as a dance partner helps. Penny, tail wagging, feeds off my excitement and I feed off hers.

I find joy when …

I lie on my back and just look up at the sky. I rediscovered this small pleasure by accident while walking the dog.

My aforementioned dancing partner scampered into the underbrush and wouldn’t come when called. I know she’s comfortable with exploring as long as she can see me.

Instead of wasting my commands, I decided to lie on my back and wait out of sight. Eventually she trotted up and sniffed my face, but during the wait, I relaxed and watched the clouds drift by. I found joy in the moment and thanked God.

I’m curious. What about you? Has your faith journey started to feel a lot like a job that sucks? What small pleasure do you need to rediscover? What, of all God’s wondrous gifts, makes your heart dance with joy?

*The first time I met Mitch Elliot was on Marshfield Clinic Susan G. Komen for the Cure Night. He and his Mallard teammates wore pink uniforms.

Community involves investment as noted in The Next Twelve‘s “The Worst Gift”

Jon Acuff writes about “The Worst Tool for Evangelism” at Stuff Christians Like

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

My novel can be found at:

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Posted in Lessons from Sports | Tagged Baseball, Christian faith, Jesus Christ, Jon Acuff, Joseph Lieungh, Madison Mallards, Michael Hyatt, Mitch Elliot, Wrecked | 15 Comments

A Community Rises from the Rubble

Posted on August 10, 2012 by tnealtarver

What can a person learn about communityfrom moving a pile of rocks?

In early July, I went to Two Rivers, Alaska as a part of a short-term mission team from the Midwest. Our team of 37 worked in cooperation with the local congregation to renovate a Nazarene church.

During the first week of the project, I started to move a pile of rubble. Brenda joined me then Rachel and Jane. The four of us piled the chunks of rock and cement into two wheelbarrows and removed them from the yard, dumping them into a pile in the parking lot.

At first, I worked alone. Then I worked as if alone. Finally I worked as a part of a team.

Let’s look at how the lesson unfolds.

Someone has to take the initiative. In this case, I saw the pile of rubble and asked about moving it. I knew it would be in the way later when our work team moved forward on putting in a new handicap ramp for the church.

In the start of any new community, someone needs to take the first step in order for the group to become a reality. The initiator offers the idea or the place or the project (or perhaps all of the above) that gets things off the ground.

An invitation needs to go out for others to join. In this case, the invitation started with Brenda. She asked, “Could you use some help?”

I said, “Yes,” and pointed her in the direction of another wheelbarrow.

While we worked, Rachel and Jane joined us. During the small project, the opportunity to work with us remained open. At some point, the work site would have been saturated but, in our case, it never got to that point.

The point of building community is to invite others into a shared faith relationship, an intentional focus on growing in Jesus Christ. At some point, the size of the group will dictate the need to initiate a new group all over again, but the desire to be open and inviting remains constant.

Assessment of the work and change must take place. As I stated earlier, I worked alone. Then I worked as if alone. Finally I worked as a part of a team.

Once the project began and people joined in, we evolved into a shared partnership and the work progressed rapidly.

We started poorly but improved with time. We learned together where best to put the wheelbarrows for loading and how to use four bodies and two wheelbarrows in sync.

An important note. We didn’t wait to figure out the best way to do things before we started. We learned them as we worked together. If we had waited, we would have started later and learned less.

As a faith community moves forward, it may seem a bit awkward at first. For certain it will have its share of problems, but in finding solutions, people’s skills will emerge within the community experience and sharpen with time.

I’m curious. What are the possibilities of building Christian community you could either initiate or participate in? What are some obstacles you face as you grow with other believers?

In the context of community, Julie Anders shares dirty words here and here at Come Have a Peace.

Jon Stolpe shares how “Community Can Change the World” at Jon Stolpe Stretched.

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

My novel can be found at:

If you enjoyed today’s post, consider subscribing. Each new post will come directly to your email inbox.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Alaska, community, Jon Stolpe, Julie Anders, Nazarene Church, short-term missions, Taking the initiative | 4 Comments

4 Traits to Cultivate for Community Health

Posted on August 2, 2012 by tnealtarver

I’ve noticed in my travels four common traits across cultures. To be a healthy, viable culture, I believe all four need to be present.

Humor. I exchanged jokes with a Russian friend while my family and I lived in Khabarovsk, a city of over a half million in the Russian Far East. I told an American joke. Leonid told a Russian one. Each time we’d laugh to be polite but we really didn’t get it.

In time, Leonid and I learned to laugh together.

How?

By experiencing life together. Living in the Russian culture, I began to understand why Leonid’s original jokes were funny. The humor emerged out of daily life.

Humor connects us. It helps us deal with the next common trait.

Hurt. In Russia, I cringed late at night as a husband ranted in the apartment above us. When his wife whimpered as he slugged her, I felt the helpless impotence of a foreigner.

The hurt in our Russian city was closer to the surface than I’ve experienced in America but hurting hearts beat everywhere.

Recognizing we hurt …

Expressing our hurts to one another …

… help draw us into authentic community.

Hunger. Of course, everyone hungers. Then we eat.

But a deeper hunger can be felt in our world, a hunger for spiritual food.

Scripture says about God, “He has also set eternity in the human heart …” (Ecclesiastes 3:11b).

We experience universal signs of this spiritual hunger when …

… a church’s bell peals on Sunday morning.

… a midday call to prayer sounds throughout an Arabic city.

… a giant stone Buddha sits on an Asian mountainside.

… flowers float as an offering to the sea gods.

We may walk down different paths but our search remains the same, to satisfy our spiritual hunger.

Our hunger for God draws us into community.

Hope. Without hope we quit; we die.

The farmer plants in hope of a harvest.

The businessman invests in hope of a return.

The researcher experiments in hope of a discovery.

The cancer patient seeks medical help in hope of a cure.

The author writes in hope of finding readers.

A desperate person steps inside a temple, a mosque, a synagogue, or a church in hope of finding God.

Kill hope and …

… the farmer no longer plants.

… the businessman no longer invests.

… the researcher no longer experiments.

… the cancer patient no longer seeks medical help.

… the author no longer writes.

… the desperate person dies.

What is true of cultures is true of communities centered in Jesus Christ. To be healthy, viable communities, we need all four traits.

Humor. Solomon writes, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22 NIV).

When the prophets write about God’s judgment, they note the absence of mirth (see Jeremiah 25:10).

No laughter.

No God.

Know laughter.

Know God.

Okay, okay. I’m stretching the point here. Just because people laugh doesn’t mean God is present (although He always is … present that is).

But here’s the thing. If you feel humor’s absence in a faith community, chances are you’ll miss God too.

Hurt. In authentic community, we don’t hide our hurts.

People are disappointed, doubtful, fearful, worried, and failing to live up to expectations. That’s true inside and outside of any faith community. If imperfections aren’t permissible, chances are authentic relationships aren’t either.

Scripture deals with the reality of human failure. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other …” (James 5:16a NIV).

We sin but …

We don’t hide it.

We confess it.

Jon Acuff posted “Why I’m happy the disciples were a mess,” an article about the fear and doubt of Jesus’ disciples. Jesus still loved them, warts and all. That’s great news for the rest of us.

Hunger. We can have a great job, a beautiful family, a nice home, a decent health plan, a robust bank account, and spend our vacations on remote islands in the Pacific.

But …

We hunger for something more. We hunger for God.

A healthy faith community focuses on that hunger as the central reason for any gathering. We want to know God, to go deeper with Him and with one another.

Hope. I want to return to the idea of a cancer patient in search of a cure. Knowing she’s sick, the patient meets with her doctor. She hopes he can name the disease and offer a cure.

He names it then suggests she see a specialist.

She sees the specialist with the hope he’ll offer encouraging words. “We have a treatment.”

She takes the treatment in hope of feeling better one day.

She may go downhill but she expected the downturn. She can endure it because she’s been told, “You may at first feel nauseous, may even lose your appetite as well as your hair.”

She experiences and endures it all. Why? She hopes one day to be better.

Then she gets the news. “We see no signs of cancer. We still need to monitor your recovery but things went better than expected.”

She doesn’t mind the fact the doctors use the words “in remission” rather than “You’re cured.” All she knows is that her prayers have been answered.

In community, we need that kind of hope—the hope that one day we’ll be better individually and corporately. With hope, we can endure some rough times, maybe even laugh about them. Without it, we die.

I’m curious. Which of the four traits are present in your faith community? Which one needs more work in your life?

I’m guest posting today, “When God Provides, You May Be Stretched,” at Jon Stolpe Stretched.

I’m also appearing at Geezer Guys and Gals writing “Does This Cap Match My Shirt?” an article about fashion and the elderly.

Jill Carattini writes “The Invitation to Three” about community at Slice of Infinity.

I found Kari Scare’s article “Forget About ‘How?’ Relax a Bit and Just Run” an excellent read at Struggle to Victory.

Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes

Two men. Two eternal destinies.

One common hope.

“Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes” visits Jessica at Rita’s on the River.

My novel can be found at: